Reasons to Avoid Florida

It's starting again, and even earlier this year. Alberto is the first storm of the Atlantic Hurricane season and its sights are set on Florida. Of course, that's no surprise. What does surprise me is that Florida remains the retirement destination of choice for so many older Americans. I was looking at some census data from 2000 to 2005 and discovered the population of the self-proclaimed "Sunshine State" increased 11.3% as compared to a national average of only 5.3%. When you breakdown the data down by age, the only group in Florida showing statistically greater growth than the national average is the 65+ group. This perplexes me for many reasons.

Go online and do a search for reasons NOT to move to Florida. A surprising number of websites are dedicated to cataloguing just this thing. Most lists include the following: mosquitoes, hurricanes, humidity, and dangerous wildlife (ie. snakes and alligators). The irony lies in the fact that these detractors are all of biggest concern for who? That's right...the elderly! Let’s address each of this in more detail.

Mosquitoes. Mosquitoes are vectors for disease, but for most people, they are not cause for alarm. The folks that public health agencies warn to wear their deet and keep out of the swamps are the immuno-compromised and the elderly because their bodies are less capable of combating diseases that are associated with mosquitoes.

Hurricanes. Aside from the devastation and loss of property they cause, hurricanes also pose more of an issue for the elderly than for your younger buck. Many elderly can't drive and are unable to evacuate a threatened area without assistance of some sort. Furthermore, it is going to be considerably harder for an 80 year-old man to nail 4 X 8 sheets of plywood over his windows, or stand in a sand bag-filling line by a swollen canal than it would be for a younger fella.

Humidity. Florida is pretty darned humid. Medical professionals will tell you that too much humidity should be avoided because excessive humidity provides an optimal environment for bacteria, dust mites, and fungal growth, all of which pose a heightened health risk to the elderly because of age-related decreases in respiratory function. The recommended humidity level for optimal health is 20 to 45% (American Academy of Family Practitioners). In Florida, relative humidity levels of 70 to 80% are the norm.

Killer Wildlife. Florida is home to numerous varieties of poisonous snakes and insects, not to mention alligators. With such rapid population growth, development in Florida pushes wildlife out of their homes and into people's backyards. All the development changes the ecosystem's natural ability to handle rain events so flooding ensues. The flooding sends even more dangerous wildlife into residential neighborhoods where they can eat the family dog, and if you're really unlucky, you as well. If you ask me to take bets, I'd give the displaced alligator 10 to 1 odds over grandma and her walker. I'd even give the under 5 child better odds, say 8 to 1, cuz the kid is less likely to have humidity-related respiratory problems and can scream holy hell thereby either attracting help or frightening off the alligator.

So given all of this, why are old folks still retiring to Florida? I know I don't want to wait out my golden years wheezing on my deck, swatting off mosquitoes, listening to hurricane warnings on the weather channel, and keeping my poodle safe from the local alligator population.

And one last thing. How does Florida get away with calling itself the “Sunshine State” without offering up any proof. You’d think there’d be a verification or a validation process that a state motto would have to go through before being accepted. States should be allowed to see the motto candidates of other states and cast a yea or nay vote. This would hedge against outright lies set forth by Chambers of Commerce to drum up tourism. Most existing state mottos are safe, as far as I can tell. I don’t think anyone who’s ever been to Montana, for example, would deny its use of “the big sky state” motto. However, I’ve been to Florida on several occasions, and I would contend that “the sunshine state” is false, and misleading.

The climate data back me up on this one. In terms of which states catch the most rays, there are five states that beat out Florida. These states are Arizona, California, Nevada, New Mexico, and Texas. Furthermore, Florida has more days where between 20 to 70% of the sun is blocked by clouds than anywhere else in the continental United States. Even Miami-based meteorologist, Jim Lushine contends, “We ought to call ourselves ‘the partly cloudy state’ instead of ‘the sunshine state.’ " He acknowledges, however, that his suggested motto probably wouldn't get the Chamber of Commerce's vote.