Funny Signs

I love coming across signs that are intrinsically funny without meaning to be. Sure, some of these signs are probably only funny to me, and no one else of sane mind. And some would only strike me as funny if in the right (or wrong) frame of mind. For example, I can't help but snicker when I see one of those "deliveries in rear" or "parking in rear" signs. I know, my brain is just warped like that, but I've seen other people laugh too. I'm not the only one.

I was walking around campus today and saw this one. I know it's not got full time funniness, but it was funny to me at the time. It's on a fence surrounding a building that's right across from a picinic bench, a tennis court, and a water fountain. The building doesn't look industrial in any way. I found it funny because I couldn't imagine where in the world these fork lifts would be coming from. I'll be on the look out.

More "Home" Pics

More pics of my new home(s). Here we have my lab as seen from my desk. I'm putting this here as a pic of "home" because in all likelihood, I'll be spending more time here than at my apartment. This is about a third of the lab. There's more to the left. My desk is right by the window, so I at least get daylight. I've never once has a lab with a window so I'm pretty excited. In Utah and at UCSD the labs were windowless, mostly because they were designed that way. Sunlight does bad things to many lab chemicals and experiments. In Switzerland, my lab was windowless not because of UV concerns, (physicists generally aren't as concerned with such things) but because it was essentially in a basement underneath the train station. In that way this lab is a step up in two ways. 1. Window. 2. It's on the second floor.

Now for the home home. Ryan found two end tables on Craig's List this past weekend for $10 apiece. Since "end" tables typically go at the "end" of a couch...a couch that we don't have yet, they're being used as bedside tables for now. We each have one of the pair. I topped mine off with a surveyor's tripod lamp. Being an engineer I just couldn't resist. And I figured since the table was so cheap, I could splurge a little on the lamp.

Ah...to sit (and more!)

Ah. At last. A place to sit. Woke up bright and early Saturday morning and replied to a Craig's list add I'd seen the day before for this dining set. It consists of a solid wood (not laminate) 5' table with four matching chairs. The chairs are also solid wood, have curved backs that make them actually quite comfortable, and are upholstered with that nice red fabric. I'm happy with the set because even though I like the chairs red, they can easily be reupholstered to match any future decor change I could come up with down the road. And solid wood furniture is way nicer than that laminate garbage the sell everywhere now. Plus, the chair and table set only set us back $80! I'd call that a bargain. The table runner seen in the pic is something I made tonight with the sewing machine Ryan's mom so nicely is letting me borrow. Next on the sewing agenda: curtains.

While I was off buying fabric for the table runner, Ryan was busy putting up a system for us to store our golf discs. Those are wall-mounted bars spanning our hallway up towards the ceiling. This keeps them out of the way (they're not even head-whacking height, not even for Ryan) but not taking up closet space. And if you ask me, it looks darn cool too!

Living Large

I've been in Portland for about a week now. The apartment doesn't have much to show for itself yet, but slowly signs of occupation are beginning to appear. As of yet, there is no kitchen or living room furniture (or even a light in the living room). We were sitting on skateboards until just a few days ago when the bed delivery guy came and brought the beds. Now we can sit on the edge of a bed and eat dinner off our paper plates. I'd call that progress. We've also gathered a few kitchen necessities. We have nice flatware. Not the kind that will rust in a month or two, but some actual decent stuff. We also got a few pyrex baking dishes, frying pans, and my two favorite kitchen goodies: a deluxe knife set in a swivel wooden block caddy, and a spice rack. Spice rack=living large!

Oh, the bottom left pic is of the building I work in.

Partially Hydrogenated What?

Midnight craving: the blueberry muffin mix that's been siting in the cabinet for the last two years, maybe longer. The only hurdles to successful midnight baking: no egg, no muffin pan. Thankfully, the neighborhood 24-hour CVS pharmacy provided both.

It's Jiffy brand muffin mix I'm using. The box says "quality and value since 1930." Coincidentally, I think that's the last time they updated their box design, and their recipe. In this blurry picture it's tough to read, but the black text right under the "Jiffy" says, "artificially flavored with imitation blueberries." Imitation blueberries?! Is it really that much cheaper to make fake ones rather than throw in a handfull of freeze dried ones? Anyway, I was curious as to what constitutes an imitation blueberry so I checked the ingredients list expecting it to look something like this:

flour, sugar, imitation blueberries (flour, corn syrup, blue 1, whatchamacallit)...

Of course, that's not what I was met with, else I'd have nothing to write about. There was nothing on the ingredients list that I could directly ascribe to the imitation blueberries other than blue 2 and blue 1 which were both listed in the "contains less than 2% of the following" category. Instead, what I found was far more interesting:

flour, sugar, animal shortening....

Woah woah woah...animal shortening? Now I'd heard of vegetable shortening before. Everyone's mom had a can of Crisco, but animal shortening! What could that possibly be? Oh yea...here it is:

flour, sugar, animal shortening (lard, hydrogenated lard, partially hydrogenated lard)...

Well, I guess they've covered all the lard bases. Ew. Silly me for thinking blueberry muffins would be blueberry-containing, animal-free food. I got to thinking a bit more about this animal shortening business. "Animal" isn't really very descriptive. You'd think the Jiffy people would need to be more specific. What animal are they getting this shortening from? It's important information. Sure, all the vegetarians of the world need to know is that it comes from an animal. That works for them. But what about the millions of people whose diets are dictated by the laws of their faiths? If it's pork shortening, then it's not Kosher. If it's beef shortening, Hindus can't eat it.

Shame on Jiffy. Imitation blueberries, and animal shortening. Time for an update. I think I'm switching to Krusteaz wild blueberry muffin mix. I hear they use real Maine blueberries. That's a start. I'll check into the whole shortening business before making my decision. Of course, it may be a while since I only make muffins once every 2 or 3 years.

Jerry, The Next Generation

I don't read many blogs. I can think of maybe five total that I look at. Of those, there's maybe only three that I check out more than once a week. One of which is The Sneeze by a guy named Steve. I came across it a while back when I wrote a blog about a can of "potted meat food product" that turned my stomach when I saw it on the shelf of a store. Turns out that Steve had encountered it too. He wrote all about it, and other horrible "food" items in a portion of his blog called, "Steve, Don't Eat It" in which he samples the world's most revolting consumables, and blogs about it.

Anyway, back on May 23, Steve blogged about an episode of Star Trek The Next Generation in which a male Enterprise officer was seen in the background wearing a uniform dress. Steve's readers, obviously well versed in Star Trek trivia and no doubt still living with their mothers, were quick to write in and provide insight. Apparently, the man-dress "was an attempt to reinforce the idea that men and women are equal in the twenty-fourth century. [The dress] was worn by both men and women. The uniform seems to have been short-lived, being used only during 2364-2365 (TNG season 1 and the first part of 2). It was phased out in favor of the unisex jumpsuit."

Whew! That's a lot of useless nerdy information. Anyway, I couldn't help but see the picture of TNG officer (like my use of the insider lingo here?) and think of the only other Star Trek fan I know of: Jerry! If Jerry were an officer on the Enterprise, I'm confident he'd throw aside gender rolls and don the dress. He's just that kind of buck-the-system, forward thinking, equality-seeking guy. So for anyone who's interested (and with insincere apologies to those of you who aren't) here's what Jerry would look like in his TNG Enterprise officer uni-dress.

Unlike the actual officer on the left who looks horrified by his own attire, Jerry would be smiling and cheerful in his duties. I'm sure of it. (OK, maybe I'm 70-30 on him smiling, but this was the only picture I had to work with.)

On a related note, I find it tough to believe that men in this generation haven't yet donned the dress. Not to dredge up stereotypes, but your typical man lives out much of his life trying to find the easiest way to do just about everything. For example, you'd be hard pressed to find a guy willing to change the TV channel without the aid of a remote control. The dress would make many manly activities easier. Mooning someone would no longer require the undoing of the belt. Going to the bathroom would no longer require using a zipper. (I'd imagine this would provide additional safety benefits as well.)

For hundreds of years, Scottish men have donned kilts. Clearly, these men saw them advantageous. And who can argue with the Scots? They're the men who brought us the self adhesive postage stamp, whisky, and golf. All thing that make our lives easier (or in whisky's case, at least easier to deal with anyway).

So, "What's Chris' point with all of this?" you may be asking yourselves. "Is she advocating that men start wearing skirts and dresses?" No. That's not it at all. I just thought it'd be pretty funny to see what Jerry would look like in a Star Trek dress uniform. I'm just a bored, unemployed jerk like that with way too much time on my hands.